5 Tips for Dealing with Stubborn Aging Parents

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The aging process is a difficult transition for many – especially those with stubborn aging adults in their life. Not being able to perform tasks or enjoy activities you once loved can be hard to understand and cope with.

However, there comes a time in every human’s life that they must listen to their body and begin to slow down. 

Whether it be to get extra help around your house, or giving up your drivers license, or to get extra assistance when running errands – the time comes for everyone to have to make life adjustments.

During this transition period, it is easy for aging adults to grow agitated, stressed out, or frustrated. You will face many of the same emotions as an adult child as well. 

However, it is important to remember that in some form or another,  your parents need your help and they appreciate your help – although they may not express it.

If you are in this situation, here are some helpful tips on how to deal with stubborn aging parents:

Understand their motivation

When dealing with stubborn aging parents it is important to understand their point of view. Although we have not been through the experience ourselves it is important to show grace and empathy as they begin their aging journey. 

It is a difficult transition to begin losing your independence as your body or mind begins to deteriorate. Although they may not always communicate those frustrations effectively, know they are trying their best to cope with the life changes and that they may just require a little extra patience from you.

Visit them and spend quality time with them

If your aging parents do not live with you but are close by, make an effort to visit them as much as possible. Though it may be time consuming at times, they will appreciate the effort and time you spend together. 

Instead of only visiting when they need help, try to spend quality time talking about things that are important to them as these will be the conversations and memories you recall even after they are gone. 

When aging adults do not feel connected to their family or community, they can develop mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. It is sometimes hard for them to admit they are lonely, or they may feel like a burden when they call you, so be proactive and visit when you can.

Compromise is key!

Sometimes your aging parent will express desires that their mind or body might no longer allow them to do. It is okay. 

Listen to their concerns and validate how they might be feeling. Although it may not be possible, try to accommodate as best you can while still keeping their safety and comfort as the number one priority.  When they hear your point of view, it may help ease their stubborn behaviours.

Allowing them to feel independent is important so consider compromising in certain areas when you can. There are simple ways to compromise and make them feel like they are contributing – maybe you can help accomplish tasks with them instead of just doing these tasks for them.

Prepare for future conversations

Recognize good moments within yourself and your aging parents to have difficult conversations. Aging is not a simple journey, and oftentimes peoples’ opinions as well as health risks change over time. 

Make sure to hear out the thoughts, opinions, and expectations of your loved ones as they age. Be sure to express your own concerns and worries in a calm way and have the difficult conversations early-on so it is less stressful for everyone involved.

Treat your aging parents like adults

Aging has a huge effect on your physical ability as well as your cognitive ability. Although your parents may be aging and changing – it is important that you remember they are still your parents. 

Although it can be frustrating and stressful at times, it is important to treat them as you would any other human being, which means paying them the respect they deserve and not just bossing them around. Show them the same respect you wish to receive in return.

Let us know if you find these tips helpful when it comes to caring for stubborn aging adults. Comment below if you have any suggestions for our readers about how to better care for aging loved ones in your life and let’s connect!

“To care for those who once cared for us is one of the highest honours.”

Tia Walker, The Inspired Caregiver

Caregiver Spotlight

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**The names have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals depicted in this article**

This week we will be introducing a series called “Caregiver Spotlight” where we will interview caregivers and share their personal experiences coping with aging parents and the healthcare system.

Our first caregiver to be featured is Linda, who lives in Ontario. Linda is a mom of three who is the primary caregiver to her aging mother, who will be turning 89 next month.

Her mother is lucky enough to still be in her home after 59 years. When she immigrated to Canada in the 60s, she settled on a house that she is still able to call home today.

However, as independent as she has been, thanks to her good physical health, in recent years it has become more challenging.

“It becomes more difficult to make decisions as a family – some days she is happy in her home and comfortable. Other days she recognizes that she needs a little more help.”

For Linda, coming to a final decision that is discussed between her siblings and mother has proven to be a challenge. Some days are better than others for her mother, especially since the start of COVID-19. 

With community social outings and church services canceled, being alone at home started to make her mother feel isolated and lonely, even in a home that has become such a comfortable place for her.

While children and grandchildren visiting once in a while is great, it is not enough and has become a huge contributor of stress to members of the family.

“It has been very stressful for me. I am constantly worried about her falling, or anything else happening with no one around,” said Linda. “There are not many options other than moving her to a retirement home, or getting her at home care.”

With English not being her mom’s primary language, Linda is also aware of the other barriers to getting her more help.  Care givers would have to speak her language in order for her mom to feel comfortable and understand.. 

While the mother would like to age in place, the adult children have a difficult decision to make. They went to visit numerous retirement communities that were great – they offered activities, spacious rooms, and around the clock care that cannot be matched at home.

However, Linda’s mom was not interested in the services and still wanted to live at home in her neighbourhood that she loves so much.

What should Linda do?

For many people currently in the sandwich generation, it gets difficult to juggle the responsibilities of caring for aging parents while still being a parent to your own children. 

It is easy to become overwhelmed, stressed, and start to experience feelings of guilt for not always being able to be there in person.

“It has caused me many sleepless nights if I’m being honest,” said Linda. “As the primary caregiver I am constantly thinking about her health and booking the appropriate appointments. Then trying to plan the appointments to fit my busy schedule to ensure I can take her. It can really take a toll on my own health at times.”

Being a caregiver is a difficult job. It can be rewarding at times but can add a lot of stress to your life as you are constantly filled with guilt for not doing enough, worrying when you can’t be there. 

“I started to feel like a taxi that was on a strict schedule of bringing my mom to appointments or the grocery store instead of just getting to relax and enjoy our time doing things we liked to do like cook together or tend to the garden.”

It is important to practice self-care and to recognize the signs of when you need help yourself. Talk to your family, talk to a support group, or hire a professional service for a little extra help when you need it.

For Linda, having professionals help with day-to-day activities gave her the peace of mind to know her mom was in capable hands which helped to ease Linda’s load.

With help, Linda was able to spend more quality time with her mom to really take in the moments that matter, instead of adding stress and worry to her day. 

“Asking for help was difficult for me as I felt it was my job or responsibility to handle on my own, but when I did I was able to really enjoy the time I spent with my mom,” said Linda. “And at the end of the day, spending quality time is the most important part as those are the memories I will cherish.”

Healthy Active Living for Your Aging Loved One

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Being a healthy and active individual is a goal for many people. Happiness and wellness are often linked to exercise as it has both physical and mood boosting powers.

As we celebrated National Senior Health and Fitness Day last week, we are reminding readers to think about healthy active living for the aging loved ones in your life. Healthy active living based on small changes that can make a huge difference in quality of life.

Physical activity is essential to encourage healthy aging, and simple activities such as walking, jogging, swimming, bike riding, or even dancing can improve your cardiovascular fitness. 

Improvements in fitness will increase your body’s ability to handle aerobic activity, which in-turn reduces the shortness of breath you may feel when your heart rate starts to rise. 

Here are five reasons for aging adults to start exercising today:

Prevent Heart Disease and Diabetes

Regular exercise, (a suggested 30 minutes a day) will start to show positive improvements in your physical health. Exercise helps to improve your immune system which is great for older adults as our immune systems can become compromised as we age. 

With heart disease being the number 1 killer, keeping your heart healthy through regular exercise and diet is key.

Lower Risk of Falling

Falling is a scary thing for older adults and their families. Risk of falling can lead to less independence for aging adults, and after one fall, the recovery becomes more and more difficult.

By improving strength, you lower the risk of a fall by becoming more flexible, coordinated, and balanced.

Social Interaction

Exercise is a great way to form friendships and have a sense of community for older adults. Joining a fitness club, yoga class, or having friends in your neighbourhood who you walk with daily is a great way to get out of the house and interact with like minded individuals. 

Strong social ties are great way to combat feelings of loneliness or isolation for aging adults who may live alone.

Mental Health

The “feel good” hormones known as endorphins are released into your brain every time you exercise. Although it is sometimes difficult to go out and find time to exercise, the benefits to your mental health are immense. 

Exercise is also linked to improved sleep patterns for aging adults who may experience insomnia or troubles sleeping at night. Through exercise, you will see instant changes to your mood, happiness, and overall outlook on life.

Balanced Diet

The common phrase “you are what you eat” is true in many ways. Although fruits and vegetables are not always as tasty, they go a long way in keeping your body functioning at top form.

A balanced diet helps to keep your cholesterol in check, while also keeping your dental health strong which is another area to consider as we age.

Conclusion

Adults of all ages can exercise well to suit their needs, and you can easily make adjustments to any particular exercise or exercise plan to best suit your body’s needs and capability. 

It is important to modify an exercise if it is causing discomfort or pain. The point is to keep your body mobile and active, and not to increase the pains we all start to feel as we age.

At the moment, heart disease is the leading cause of death globally. According to the Mayo Clinic, atherosclerosis, which is a buildup of fatty plaques in your arteries, is the most common heart disease. 

Poor diet, smoking, lack of exercise, and being overweight all contribute to developing atherosclerosis, meaning that unhealthy lifestyle habits are the number one killer.

Many people feel overwhelmed by the number of changes they have to make to reverse old habits. Instead try to think of it as small changes you can make each day, to help improve your situation over time. 

Having a healthy lifestyle does not often happen overnight – take the time, and exercise, to reduce a life of inactivity or less than wise choices in order to get your life back!